Tuesday, June 21, 2011

What have we been up to?

Can anyone agree with me that time if FLYING by?  I have been out of work since January 27th, and it only seems like a month or so!  I am already sad in the fact that I only have 2 more months home with my little girls before I have to go back to work.  I need to be a stay at home mom! ha!

Anyway, I did return to work 2 weeks ago, but it was only for the week, plus one day.  It was nice getting back.  I hope this doesn't sound bad, but it was like a little break for me!  I got to talk to people who talk back to me! ha!  I got to see some students (not many because it was exam week).  I got my room back in order and just got a glimpse of what life will be like come August!  I missed my little girls like crazy, but it was nice.  My only catastrophe was on Monday, first thing, when I was pumping, I spilled my milk, all over my computer.  UGH!!!! I was so upset.  Other than that, it was a good week...I didn't even cry!  Knowing it was only for a short while, I was ok...No, come August, that might be a different story.  Why can't I be a stay-at-home-mom?? :)

JeJe (Jeanne) kept the girls Monday, Tuesday, 1/2 day Wednesday and Thursday.  Granny (and Jayme and Eden) kept the girls 1/2 day Wednesday and Mom kept them on Friday and Monday!  I think everyone enjoyed getting their baby time in!  And, thankfully, they were little angels for them!

They are growing like weeds!!  They are over 12 lbs now and are starting to push up, 'talk', laugh, and just show their cute little personality!  I am just falling in love with them more and more everyday and just thank God EVERY night for them.  I just pray I raise them the way he would have me to!

I am going to be honest here.  This blog is for my recolection, so I want to write how I feel!

I look back at those first few weeks of the girls lives and I feel like I missed a lot.  Because of the morphine (I guess), I don't even remember the first 2 days.  I don't really remember breastfeeding the first time.  Who nursed first?  Who did I hold first?  What was Blair doing when I held them for the first time?  I hate that these things are not in my head!  Then, I had so many complications and was in such pain, I think I focused more on me, than on them.  I see new mothers (on facebook) and how happy they are and how they are just over the moon.  I think I missed that until they were a month old or so.  Why?  Was it the complications?  Was I just overwhelmed with twins?  I don't know, but I feel so guilty for thinking that.  I don't know but I remember not being HAPPY until a while after they were born.  Does that make me a horrible person?  Maybe I had a little depression?  I wasn't walking around crying.  The only time I cried was on the way home from getting my inscision re-opened, then the first time they put the wound vac on and the first time they changed it.  That is the only times I remember crying and those last 2 times were more from pain instead of emotions.

I didn't even sleep in the same room as the girls until they were a few weeks old (except for the first night home).  I couldn't even get myself out of bed, much less take care of twins.  I had a 16X12 cm hole in my stomach, so pulling myself up wasn't an option.  Thank God for Jeanne who stayed and helped with the twins and my mom who stayed and took care of  me.  She helped me up to pump in the middle of the night and made sure I took my meds.

Ok, back to the present!  We took the girls to the shore for the first time recently.  They have actually been 4 times now!  I hope they are going to be salty little girls! ha!  Here are pics of their first time in salt water!  They weren't HUGE fans in the beginning.  They tolerated it, just didn't scream!

Vivi chilling with granny!!

OK, I am going to go snuggle with my girls!  I had a few videos I wanted to put on here, but it won't let me...very frustrating!  Does anyone else have trouble with their blog.  It literally takes me an hour or more to make a post because it is so slow.  If it was faster, I might blog daily...

1 comment:

Andrea said...

I'm sorry you are feeling that way, Kari. Try not to beat yourself up over those first few months. It's 100% normal to feel that way. I felt that way after having both of my girls. Keep in mind, some of the girls you see in pictures may not really be all that happy. I think more than most girls have some post-partum depression, but a lot of it is hormones and meds.

You are a wonderful mother and your little girls are absolutely beautiful!

Try to keep your eyes focused on your blessings. God is working in your life every day and you never know just how your story will impact others around you.

Lots of love! Andrea